Friendship is important. They can feel stronger and more important than the relationships you have with your partner or family. You agree on good and bad. The idea that that friendship could–or should–end feels uncomfortable. The truth is, some friends become toxic, making your life worse by being in it. You may not realize it right away, either. If you notice these toxic friendships, it may be time to say goodbye. It will hurt, but you will get better.
They change the subject whenever you talk about something you care about.
Every conversation you have sounds more and more like it’s about them. It’s about where they are, what’s happening in their life, what ways the universe is tearing them down. And every time you are excited about something and want to share it, they will interrupt you and change the subject. Would someone who cares and loves you treat you like that?
When something good happens to you, they try to find ways to talk bad.
Maybe you got a raise, fell in love, bought a new car. Rather than cheer you on and embarrass you, like a good friend would, they look for ways to tear you down. They poke fun at all the good things that happen to you until you leave feeling really bad. After a while, you will stop telling them anything at all.
They disappear and wind you up for a while, then come crawling back.
You will send them a message, asking if they want to hang out, but the conversation is silent. It’s crushing. You will wonder what you did to deserve it. Then as soon as you’re almost over it, they’ll re-enter your life with all the damage of a human-shaped storm.
It’s not always their fault.
They might literally steal from you, and if you catch them they’ll say, “I thought I’d teach you a lesson about not just leaving your stuff lying around. Like I’m going to look for this thing anyway.” After a while, you’ll feel so fueled that you’ll wonder if you’re really that bad.
Friendship is very bad.
You always do them a favor, you always give them gifts for birthdays and holidays, you are always there for them when something goes wrong. But do they do the same for you? A good friendship gives and takes on both sides.
They alienated everyone except you.
It seems like you are the only one who is still friends with them. Everyone else floats away, but you’re the only one left, you’re too afraid to be the next person to end the friendship. Unfortunately, you may have lost a few of these people, just by meeting them.
Everyone in your life tells you that it’s bad news.
You hear it all the time. From your other friends, your colleagues, your family. Everyone says your friend is toxic, but you still keep him close.
You keep making excuses for them.
He says, “No, you just don’t understand them. You make excuses for your toxic friend because it justifies keeping them in his life. It protects you from admitting that they hurt you—and that you let them.
Whenever you are with them, you end up feeling bad about yourself.
This is not how you should feel about any relationship, let alone a friendship. Let’s all vow to eliminate people from our lives, no matter who they are, who make us feel worse for knowing them. You are a gem, and if your “friend” makes you feel differently, he doesn’t deserve to be a part of your life.
