It’s a natural next step when you’re in the “dating” phase. You’ve been seeing each other for weeks or months and now at least one of you is wondering what this is all about. Are you in a relationship? Are you on the same page? Before you officially define the relationship, ask yourself these questions to see how you really feel.
Am I actually ready to explain the relationship, or am I still thinking about how I feel?
DTR discussion is a big step. It should only happen if you feel strong about your feelings for this person. Do you need to know everything? Do you need to feel like you’ve got it? Not at all. But if you’re still trying to figure out if you like them, you might want to stop the conversation.
Am I free to make this legal?
Defining relationships, taking things to the next level, doesn’t happen easily. If you commit to being serious, that includes letting people in your bubble—and outside of it—know exactly who each other is.
Am I ignoring any red flags or deals?
Don’t jump the gun. Although everything may look good, you may be blinded by a new love. Don’t ignore bad behavior or inconsistency just because you don’t want to be alone.
Is this what I want, or what society says I should have?
Check where your DTR desire comes from. Community? Your future partner? Internal bias? Ultimately, you should only get serious if you naturally want this from your date, not because you “have to.”
Do I love this person, or just their imagination?
Are you entering into a relationship with this person because of who they really are, or how they sound on paper? They might check all the boxes, but you need that magical chemistry for this to be a good match.
Do I love them, or do I want a relationship?
Don’t rush to do something to avoid being alone. They shouldn’t be.
Does this person make me feel good about myself and the relationship?
Someone may appear to be a good fit, but remain a poor fit. Hang out with people who make you feel comfortable being yourself. And what about relationships? Does it sound right? These are the little things you must have if you are going to take this relationship to the next level.
Is monogamy right for me? About this person?
A typical outcome of DTR is deciding that you both want to commit to each other. Before having the conversation, make sure monogamy feels right to you. And while you may like the idea in general, you need to like the idea of being one-on-one with them. Of course, polyamorous relationships exist, too, so if you want that, be ready to bring it.
Do I have enough space to devote myself to this person in the way they need?
Everyone comes to this conversation with an idea of what they want and need. Not only do you have to think about what they want, but you also have to think that you can be what they want too. Everything needs to be synchronized.
What does a good relationship look like to me?
You don’t have this conversation just to decide to be together. He also lets them know what that should look like. Do you want to be together all the time or do you prefer space? Do you need constant emotional support? What is your fighting style and does it match theirs? There’s a lot more to this than a simple, “Yeah, let’s make this legal.”
Am I ready to be a loving partner?
Can you be the loving partner someone needs? Don’t commit to something if you’re not ready or able to provide the information your partner wants.
