Breakups are fun. Whether the relationship ended on good or bad terms, it still triggers our natural reaction to loss. That’s what separation is, really, loss. Losing someone you knew, the life you once had together.
The stages of separation can vary from person to person. Not everyone experiences “phases of separation” in the same order or severity. You may go back and forth between two stages or stay in one stage for a long time. However, these are the common stages that people go through during a breakup:
Shock and denial
This section hurts those who are unexpectedly abandoned. When you break up, you feel a wave of emotions: confusion, confusion, pain. It’s confusing. He longs for answers, tries to understand. Why? What’s going on? It is a sense of disbelief, an inability to accept the reality of the situation. Shock and denial are closely related.
There is another layer of shock and denial, which is negotiation. Whether you’re asking for another chance, you’re still physically close even though the emotional aspect of the relationship is over, or you’re just still communicating with them, you’re still trying to convince yourself that the relationship isn’t over.
Anger and Guilt
After the initial shock, denial, and negotiations wear off, you may start to feel resentful and suspicious – of them and perhaps yourself.
You are angry at them for not treating you with respect or ending the relationship without reason. He’s mad at them, yes. You are angry at yourself for ignoring the red flags or for accepting the bare minimum or for staying in the relationship as long as you did. Psychologist Suzanne Lachmann, Psych.D. says, “When you are angry with yourself or even with someone you once dated for the breakdown of your relationship, you try to understand what happened by deciding whose “fault” it is, who should be blamed.” Anger hides underlying feelings of hurt, disappointment, and grief.
Sorrow and Sorrow
When anger begins to subside, you will begin to see and feel sadness. Sadness. Crying. Loneliness. This is where the heart breaks indeed it burdens you.
He regrets the relationship and the future you envisioned together. You mourn the life you shared with someone you once cared deeply about. You are sad that the relationship is over and nothing can change or go back to the way it was before. You are sad with the person you were in that relationship with.
Grief comes and goes in waves. Don’t let yourself drown it – just let it cool.
Reception and Reflection
In time, you will begin to accept the reality of the breakup. The rose-colored glasses will come off and you will begin to reflect on the positives and negatives of the relationship.
You will feel grateful for the joy your partner brings you and you may have fond memories. You will see your mistakes and how you can learn and grow from them. You will accept that the breakup was necessary because they weren’t who you thought you were or your needs weren’t being met or you both want to live differently. You’ll realize how much you deserve it and you’ll feel lighter knowing that you’re no longer settling for someone who doesn’t give you what you want or need.
Time heals. Let it run its course.
Healing and Growth
This is one of the most beautiful stages, but also one of the most traumatic stages of a breakup. Healing is hard. Healing is about opening up old wounds and uprooting things you’ve worked so hard to bury.
Therapy is about you. It’s about taking the time to look at yourself.
This section is about self-care, self-forgiveness, self-acceptance, self-confidence, and self-love. You will do things that bring you joy, rebuild your life without them, and explore opportunities that bring you a stronger sense of self. This is the time to be youin growth and peace.
Moving on
The final phase of separation is underway. It’s about finding your own closure. It’s about separating yourself from relationships.
During this time, you will start to notice how you think about them less and less, you are not as sad as before, you start to open up new dating opportunities, and you can imagine a life and a future without them.
Remember: healing is not linear. The process of healing from a breakup is different for everyone and you may find that you go back and forth between some of them. Just make sure you give yourself time and space to walk and heal at your own pace.
