For $1M, you can pay Bryan Johnson (or BryanAI?) to teach you how to live longer

It is the middle of February, and the air is dry. There are fine lines appearing on my forehead, maybe because I don’t moisturize enough, but maybe as a prelude to something bigger: Each day I’m getting closer to my own death. Soon, I will be 30 years old. I will never be smaller than I am now.

Fintech-founder-turned-longevity-guru Bryan Johnson has an offering that caught my attention. For the low, low price of $1 million a year, I can pay him to show me the ropes of the “straightforward rules” he has followed for the past five years. He calls the show “The Immortals.”

Yes, the guy who got botox injections in his privates is going to teach me how to reverse the aging process. Why shouldn’t I believe that Bryan Johnson has revealed the secrets of living longer than anyone else? No, he has not yet demonstrated his ability to outlive all other people. He was born in 1977, the same year that many of today’s people were born.

But why should I question the judgment of a boy who strengthened his constitution with the blood of his young son? When has the tech elite ever misled us? Should I ask when Elon Musk says retirement savings are irrelevant because AGI will create such economic abundance that no one will ever know poverty again?

According to Johnson in X, this special service – only three places are available! – will include a “dedicated concierge team, BryanAI 24/7, extensive testing, millions of biological data points, continuous tracking, the best skin and hair procedures, and access to the best treatments on the market.”

Can I talk to an AI version of the guy who’s livestreaming himself doing “scientific” shrooms? Sign me up!

Except I can’t. Because I don’t have $1 million. Those like me will have to be willing to buy Johnson’s overpriced olive oil in our pursuit of immortality (it’s hot and smooth!).

The furrowing of my brow that appears is tightening with the knowledge that Johnson will probably have an easy time filling those three $1 million spots. Among the super rich, longevity has become a hot topic.

John Hering, who has given Musk billions of dollars in support, co-founded Biograph, which describes itself as a preventive health and diagnostic clinic. Its most premium membership costs $15,000 a year (next to Johnson’s contribution, it almost seems like a good deal … almost). A similar startup, Fountain Life, has raised $108 million to fund its “ultimate longevity plan,” which charges an annual fee of $21,500. Sure, Johnson’s program is expensive, but remember, there are only three locations! And if you’re not ready to shell out seven figures, you can reach the vague “supported category” for $60,000.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to live a long, healthy life, but longevity advocates like Johnson take this to an extreme that is unattainable and (normal would say) completely unnecessary for the average person.

In his defense, Johnson isn’t trying to convert us all to taking 100 pills a day and subsisting on boiled vegetables. But he also doesn’t discount the opportunity to make him rich in order to get his “secrets”.