You go about your days with your head down, your hands in fists. Although you try to create this sense of self-confidence, you often fail. You put it in your mind that you have to pretend everything is fine, put up this façade.
So you close your eyes and take a deep breath. You do yoga, go for long walks, eat healthy food. You try to fill your mind with positivity, try to stop. You swallow the world, try to stomach everything that doesn’t sound right.
You fill and fill with everything temporary until you are full, but never satisfied.
You are desperate, so desperate to keep going that sometimes you run without even knowing where you are going. You just long to hear, to understand, so that the pain is no longer difficult for you. But you are very lost.
I see you.
I see how you struggle to keep your head above water, to swim the course of this life with grace and strength. I see how you try to talk to people, to open up, to talk without judgment, to laugh instead of cry. But it is very difficult. He even broke down.
I see you keep going back, keep believing, keep telling yourself that you will be fine, even deep down you don’t believe. I see you.
And I want you to know that God sees you, too.
Even in the depths, the mistakes, the chaos—God sees your pain. God hears your cry. God loves you, opens up, and longs to draw you closer to Him. I know sometimes it feels like you’re in this alone, like you’re crying for nothing, like you’re pushing and you have no hope of carrying it.
I know sometimes it seems like your prayers will never be answered, like you deserve everything that went wrong, or maybe you don’t deserve it at all and you just let it go. But He didn’t. You are here.
Sometimes you just won’t hear it because you are focused on what it is which is wrong instead of on the right. Sometimes you just don’t hear him because you are listening to the voice in your head instead of the fact that he is already moving. Sometimes You will be too far away, when in reality, You know every desire, memory, thought, feeling, wrinkle, curve, and deterioration of your skin.
You’re empty right now—you’re drained of broken relationships, people who are gone, how tired your heart is of feeling empty. You ran to closed doors, trying to fill your body with cheap beer and meaningless kisses, with evil and longing for just a moment.
He runs away from you.
But let God fill your emptiness. Let His love fill you, overflow you.
Let His truth seep into your bones and let His promises set your heart on fire. May your beliefs be strengthened, your hope renewed. Let your days be bearable, your muscles strong, your dreams come back again because of you there is what they deserve. Romance. The first one too.
Let God show you the way He sees you—a beautiful, imperfect set of cells that have the power to overcome all obstacles, with Him by your side.
Let God show you how good life can be if you let go and trust Him.
When you finally allow yourself to be filled.
