1. Aries
Oh Almighty, you are truly yours! You cling to your lover with the ferocity of a barnacle holding a rusted battleship. You have to be with your lover and be with your lover completely, and you experience great anxiety if you can’t. You would hug your lover forever if you could. Better yet, you would handcuff them.
2. Scorpio
When you’re deeply in love, it’s emotionally painful to spend a moment without your partner—even if it’s in the bathroom! You want to have your lover like Satan has Linda Blair The Exorcist. To rule and control, he tells them to ditch all their friends and NEVER contact anyone. Whether this compression method works or not depends on what your lover actually is looking for breathlessness.
3. Taurus
A little tyrant by nature, when you’re in love you claim your lover’s whole body and soul like a conquering army invading and looking for a place to live. If you see them talking to someone of the opposite sex, the flames of jealousy coming out of your ears can be seen in a crowded room. Protip: Your insecurities are all this. If you were more comfortable with yourself, you wouldn’t need to make your lovers uncomfortable.
Born with a suspicious mind, you interrogate your lover about his whereabouts as if he were an East German soldier asking a lost American tourist why he accidentally wandered into East Berlin. He’s had his heart broken too many times to trust someone completely, so it makes him uncomfortable to even breathe. Your extreme nature actually leads to dishonesty, because people feel that if you accuse them of cheating, they might enjoy it.
5. Cancer
You get involved very quickly. As the joke goes, what do you bring on the second day? The Haul. She becomes nervous when she plans to spend a night on the town with young men. And you know none of this makes you look good, so you cover it all up by acting casually. What – is she going to go drinking with the boys? Like you care! Wow! You don’t care at all! You couldn’t care less! He just has a little problem, he’ll curl up in a ball in the shower and cry every time he’s gone.
6. Leo
You are only as strong as the people you can’t live without. If you have a slight crush on someone, you can lose them while shopping at the mall and don’t worry if you never hear from them again. But if you’ve had a fight, if they’ve been wandering around the sporting goods section for five minutes and you can’t find them, don’t believe too much that a security guard will be making an announcement over the microphone in an attempt to reunite you with your long-lost lover.
7. Capricorn
You keep your distance from your relationship, be careful to never show them that you care too much or too little. Even though you might be a weepy lake if they were to leave you, you have too much pride to let them know that. Instead, he keeps it cool. But that emptiness is often just the mask of an independent soul—and that’s okay! You would be better off if you were younger More you are strong, or you wouldn’t have lost that boy.
8. Pisces
You have only been jealous and envious once in your life, and that was with someone you loved more than anyone else. But in your madness, you drove that person away. You have always been very careful not to come across as a rabbit-boiling lunatic with men, however much you may wish to claim absolute ownership over them. So you would like to like owning, but now you realize that it may backfire.
9. Virgo
You’re passionate and want to claim complete ownership over every inch of your lover, but you don’t want to be a pain in the butt or nag, either. You can be easy-going, but very respectful. You don’t like hurting people. So as much as you would like to have things naturally, it is maintained that you are a good girl and you don’t want to drive a guy away by making him think that you are crazy about his dick.
10. Libra
Even if the love of your life dumps you, you’ll be wound up for an hour and eat donuts while you cruise Tinder. In fact, the moment someone loses even a little interest in you, you completely you have lost interest in them. If someone you’re dating shows even the slightest interest in another person, you’d be happy to take them to their house and say goodbye. For you, being completely with someone is an unnecessary chore, like watering that plant you didn’t want someone to give you as a birthday present.
11. Sagittarius
He tends to view any fanciful notions of “true love” or especially “lifetime love” as silly and dumb. It sounds like slavery to you, and you want freedom. It’s a big world out there and at least—what?—500 million guys on this planet would you find attractive? When you release one butterfly, there is another butterfly waiting for you to capture.
You are as free and aimless as the wind. You let people—even those closest to you—sneak away from you like grains of sand. You don’t like to take responsibility, and you don’t expect it from others. You have no one and you don’t want to be entered. That’s why you often find yourself alone—and you love it.
