1. SAGITTARIUS
(November 22 – December 21)
Incredibly pragmatic and loyal, Sagittarius will be the one friend you can share your darkest secrets with. And that’s the one friend you can call to pick you up after you’ve driven your car into the swamp drunk. And if you’ve ever been arrested and taken to jail by the time they get to the swamp, they’ll drive to jail and spend their life money to bail you out. But their strong sense of reality makes it very difficult for them to fall in love. They are too rational and self-centered to believe in love. Thus, they put more emphasis on lifelong friendship than eternal love. They are very critical of the idea of eternal love with one person. But even though they are the best friends you could wish for, they will never admit to you that the reason they doubt love is because some cruel fool broke their heart a long, long time ago.
2. AQUARIUS
(January 20 – February 18)
As loyal as an old hound dog, Aquarians never meet a stranger. Even if you just meet them, they will pretend that they have missed you every day for the past ten years and have been waiting by the window for you to come back. They are extremely friendly—some would say too friendly—because they are willing to believe the best of anyone. Although they are great friends, they are also naive and sometimes they will need some “alone” time, but you can trust them not to mistreat you and never lie to you to protect your feelings. On the “pragmatic/romantic” continuum, they lean strongly toward pragmatism. Self-love is more important to them than romantic love. They would rather help you with money and advice than kiss you. And when it comes to romance, let’s be real for a moment—no one wants to have sex with an old hound dog.
3. THE GIRL
(August 23 – September 22)
Virgos can be such good friends, they can sense—and communicate—your needs better than you can. They may not have many friends, but the ones they do have are solid gold. They are too wary of human nature to be willing to open their hearts and risk being crushed. They think love is a thing of movies and songs but not real life. Family is important to them, because even though someone may stop being your lover, they will always be your sister or brother. They are not shy about expressing their needs, which may result in a little dominance of the loved one. Then again, Girlfriends aren’t supposed to be lovers anyway… are they?
4. CAPRICORN
(December 22 – January 19)
To the extreme, Capricorns aren’t exactly what you’d call “happy-go-lucky.” They may not be best friends in the zodiac, but they definitely they’re not the best couples—especially if they’ve had their hearts broken. You will find it almost impossible to break through all the protective tissue they have built up in their heart. They show love through friendship. It’s not that they don’t enjoy sex, but they see it as completely different from romantic love. Nine times out of ten, they would rather have good sex than hear the words “I love you.” They are a little difficult to know as friends or lovers and will carefully guard their work, their possessions, and their hearts. They have a strong gag reflex when it comes to sappy love songs and aggressive public displays of affection. But on the rare occasions when they fall in love, watch out—it’s like falling off a cliff.
5. CANCER
(June 21 – July 22)
Touched and guarded, Cancers are not as bright as friends or lovers. Needy and selfish, they tend to take more than they give in both friendship and romance. They are also very quick to anger, which means they often spend weekends and holidays alone, watching movies and eating ice cream in their pajamas. Although they are often desperate for love and not above needing a whole box of tissue to find love jokes, their difficult nature makes them unable to find lovers who are willing to stick around for the long term.
6. ARIES
(March 21 – April 19)
Outgoing and gregarious, Aries have no problem making friends or lovers. But since they are also flexible and unmarchable, they have no problem discarding people like yesterday’s garbage. They tend to be more interested in themselves than anyone else. They prefer to pursue lovers rather than being pursued. But once they catch their prey, they grow up quickly and start planning their next romantic adventure. They are very demanding, which can be difficult unless you enjoy being a hide mat. And they don’t hold back from expressing what they really think, whether or not it hurts you to the molten core of your being.
7. GEMINI
(May 21 – June 20)
Zodiac signs that annoy easily, because you never know which twin you will get on any given day. One day, they can be the best friend and lover you have ever prayed for. Next, they can pretend they never met you. They are there Gemini. This is in their nature. When they focus their love or friendship on you, it has laser-like power. But they make friends as quickly as they lose them and fall in love as quickly as they lose interest. They have an uncontrollable side that will never soften and almost think it is “bad” to betray people. They love the thrill of a one-night stand over the serenity of a lifetime commitment. They are only suitable as BFFs or lovers if you wish to be uncertain.
8. LEO
(July 23 – August 22)
Leos are…flying?…mercurial?…hot-tempered?…moody? And this usually doesn’t make for lasting friendships or romance. A lion can protect you, but it can also bite you off your head. But, now—you don’t become the King of the Jungle by being bad in bed. Their friends will often see their angry and unpleasant side more than their lovers. Despite their intimidating presence, Leos are adventurous and romantic. They also love getting little love Post-It notes on their computer in the morning. But the Lion always comes first; all other forest creatures, whether friends or lovers, take second place.
9. TAURUS
(April 20 – May 20)
A highly introverted star sign, the Bull is reluctant to make himself vulnerable to friends or lovers. But if you somehow manage to swing your red matador with enough finesse to get through the bull’s horns without getting badly mauled, you’ll find one of the most loyal and loving lovers in the zodiac. If you are lucky enough to find their love, it will be a gift that keeps on giving. They pay close attention to their lovers’ emotional needs and physical desires. When they find their One True Love, they shut out the whole world.
10. LIBRA
(September 23 – October 22)
Easygoing by nature, Libras easily make friends. But this means that they also take their friendship for granted and do not put effort into it. It is in love that they make every effort. For Libras, the scales point more towards romance over friendship. They thrive on acceptance whether it comes from friends or lovers, but they absolutely cannot live a day without love. They realize that it is easy to make friends but sometimes it is almost difficult to find true love. The fact that they are reliable confidants is what makes them such good friends. But when they fall in love, all their friends should expect to be ghosts. They are such hopeless romantics, they will stick with a seemingly hopeless lover.
11. SCORPIO
(October 23 – November 21)
Because of their emotional nature and sensitivity to the slightest thought, Scorpios are often shy and guarded—one might even say paranoid. This makes it difficult for them to have fun at parties or any social gathering where socializing is helpful. It also makes it difficult for them to find and secure a large number of friends. But they believe in soulmates and will walk barefoot across hot coals to be with their lover. They may have their hearts broken a dozen times and come back looking for true, pure love as if they had never been hurt. They will blow your mind only by remembering every birthday and anniversary and what your favorite food and movies are, they will burn a candle in the middle of the night looking for new things that will delight and surprise you.
12. THE STARS
(February 19 – March 20)
Pisces are the most passionate lovers in the world. They will do everything in their power to win your heart and satisfy your desires. But they see friends almost as expendable property. They tend to cut and run the minute friendships require effort. But they would grab a shovel and dig to the other side of the world if you told them that their one true love was waiting there. And when they find true love, they’ll take romance to the grave…and beyond. From here to forever. Ride or die. One more done.
