Walking away from a stressed family is painful, but sometimes it is necessary to heal. Rania Naim reflects on this journey, with Rebecca Simon Finding God Every Day helps guide students to the power, hope, and presence of God even in the midst of the most challenging family struggles.
Everyone talks about how hard it is to break up with someone you love, someone you met at some point in your life and swore to stay with him through thick and thin, but no one talks about the most painful heartbreak of all: parting with your parents, your family, your blood. The first people you see when you are born, the first faces you learn to love.
They don’t tell you that it will feel so wrong at first, like it’s inappropriate, and you’ll carry that guilt inside you for the rest of your life. They don’t tell you that every mistake, every rejection, every setback and every loss can feel like a punishment or a curse because you decided to abandon your family. They don’t tell you that it’s the loneliest thing you can do to yourself and that it has the potential to destroy the one relationship you’re trying to build.
They don’t tell you that this is the kind of grief you may never recover from.
They say that your parents are your backbone, the foundation of your character and plan the path of your future, but what if they become your burden, those who hold you back, those who destroy your dreams and those who create a very toxic environment in your mental health and well-being? They don’t tell you what to do at that time, when you are not old enough or independent enough to go your own way.
They don’t tell you how to love them when they make you feel bad all the time. They don’t tell you how to find peace and love in a home that brings nothing but chaos.
No one talks about that kind of heartache, so I’m here to summarize it for you: the day you find the courage to leave and separate from your family, the day you decide you’ve had enough of this hardship and misery you didn’t cause, the day you decide to end the war, it will be the most liberating day of your life but it’s also the beginning of the hardest journey you’ll ever face.
The journey of self-correction, the journey of reorganizing their negative thoughts and beliefs that they have instilled in you, the journey of not learning everything they taught you, the journey of discovering everything on your own without guidance or support or holding hands, the journey of being everything that they could not be to you.
They do not tell you that this difficult journey may not really end and that you may not find the wisdom to fully forgive them. They don’t warn you that the wounds may never really heal, that the scars will always mark your soul. They don’t tell you that this is the kind of heartache that breaks you to pieces and you may never know how to live again.
This is a heartache that never heals, but a heartache that you choose. The lesser of two evils. You choose it because staying will destroy you. It is a bitter remedy for a vicious cycle, a desperate act to reclaim your soul, a desperate act to save yourself from further destruction. This pain is the painful cost of freedom, but sometimes it is your only shot at finding peace and a loving home.
