Aries
(March 21st to April 19th)
You don’t know how to deal with your feelings or express your feelings. He is everywhere. Please do everyone a favor and KEEP CALM.
Taurus
(April 20th to May 21st)
Everything doesn’t have to be your way all the time!! Just because someone does something different than you doesn’t mean it’s wrong. And, we get it – you’re independent AF (and no one cares).
Gemini
(May 22nd to June 21st)
Please grow up. Seriously. Stop following everyone around, stop changing your mind every 2 seconds and get a backbone. Going with the crowd doesn’t make you cool. It is also not good to not be able to do anything for yourself.
Cancer
(June 22nd to July 22nd)
Your sensitivity makes me want to SCREAM. Please, do everyone a favor and stop taking everything so personally. No one wants to be with someone who always feels like ‘I’m poor :(‘ and always throws themselves pity parties. The world is going crazy! Welcome, we’re glad you made it!
Leo
(July 23rd to August 22nd)
Wait. He asked. Because. To praise. It’s always exhausting trying to feed your ego and you people are not easy on them. Admiration will not fill the gaps in your life! And seriously, no one will give a darn if your hair isn’t perfect.
Virgo
(August 23rd to September 22nd)
Sorry, but no one is perfect and no one will live up to your expectations. Your personality is generally that of a temper tantrum and that’s why you turn a lot of people off (pro tip: stop whining and whining too much). Take it down, lady.
Libra
(September 23rd to October 22nd)
Stop leaning too much and push. No one wants someone who is constantly climbing in their business. Take a breath and go figure out how to be alone for a while. And deal with your feelings while you’re at it!!
Scorpio
(October 23rd to November 22nd)
I can hear your ego from here and I don’t like it at all. If someone else has done it, do it twice and do it better. We get it, we also find out why nobody likes you (nobody likes a liar). Please stop talking now.
Sagittarius
(November 23rd to December 21st)
The world is not about you and the day you realize that (maybe) you will stop being such a bad person!! You don’t sink hard.
Capricorn
(December 22 to January 20)
Capricorns are scary people, honestly. Reduce your anger, stop being lame and inflexible. Do you have a positive, happy side anywhere in you? You make me and other people uncomfortable!!
Aquarius
(January 21 to February 18)
You think you’re cool and have it all together but you’re actually pretty lame. You need to grow up, stop pretending to be 18 and get on with your life. Bond won’t kill you!
Pisces
(February 19 to March 20)
Put down the bottle and try to love yourself a little (a lot) more. You are ruining your own life and hurting yourself because of your decisions.
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