27 Ways Women Get Things Done

Definition: Women who hold it (intentionally or not) as the main earner of their family or single.

Synonyms: prov wife, ladyboss, superwoman, overachiever, execu-mother

1. Your end-of-the-day decision fatigue is very real, choosing between fried or steamed dumplings can break you down.

2. Business Speaking (let’s put a pin on that / what’s the outline? / Can we set a minute?) sometimes seeps into your daily conversations and no one finds it more painful than you.

3. You can spot the ic-suite mantrum from ten miles away and you’ll nod and agree and use the man’s favorite war metaphors (Survive and evolve! Take no prisoners! All hands on deck!) to help him control himself.

4. You make 74-83 cents on the dollar of your male peers and you could accept even less if dudes would collectively agree to stop cheating once and for all.

5. Your Calendar app is full of daily reminders (recurring and one-off) written at 2am after a random thought like “pack Stella’s recorder for music class” or “redraft slide 3 in the sound field” to wake up.

6. Saying “marking is done” is micro-orgasmic.

7. You find yourself googling down an imaginary rabbit hole (“how hard it is to make money selling foot pictures,” “pdfs as income,” “low quality etsy stores that deliver,” etc) 10+ times a month.

8. He refuses to remove calendar listings from meetings with employees who quit two years ago just to enjoy thirty minutes of blocked quiet time once in a while.

9. You prefer to own the calendar invitation so you can subtly delete meetings without sending cancellation notices to others.

10. Your wife at work stays sane because there is no such thing as liability for workplace trauma.

11. You track literally everything – times, sex, money spent, savings, content to watch / read / listen to, and any ideas you have that might one day free you from a business nightmare.

12. Your notes app is a window into your soul.

13. Come evening, changing a diaper can feel like fun because the literal mess is more appealing than the metaphorical kind you deal with all day at work.

14. You jump at the chance to mentor younger employees and share your professional growth story, all the while trying to silence the song in your brain that screams “GET OUT!” by repeating.

15. You know that sometimes you just need to be a hole for your husband or boyfriend (if you have one).

16. You are definitely part of the 20% who do 80% of the work in all areas, from school fundraisers to work events. “It’s a disease,” he joked to friends and colleagues.

17. If you say that you will be completely disconnected from the vacation, it is a lie. Even if you insist that all your direct reports “take the vacation seriously.”

18. Always zero inbox. Except for the brief moments of falling down, which reliably ends with the realization that you still need that cheat check.

19. You almost always raise your proverbial hand, even if you immediately regret it.

20. You have seriously considered 127 angles to complete paid medical leave.

21. Do we really need medical insurance? a question you entertain 4.62 times a day.

22. You always do the mental math of what giving up looks like before realizing that you are bound by golden handcuffs.

23. He likes “dumb meals” like sheet pan meals.

24. You have tried and failed to make at least five dangerous TikTok recipes.

25. You dream of being a trad wife, even if you don’t really want that life.

26. You believe in showing compassion, but do it better for everyone but yourself.

27. You’ve been a “lean-in” acolyte. Now you just want to put the fuck down.