Infatuation can often accompany the early stages of love, and it’s not always a bad thing. Infatuation is not good, however, when feelings may not be reciprocated, when it makes you ignore someone’s toxicity, when it becomes obsessive, when it’s all speculation, etc.
Here are five strong signs that it’s infatuation, not love.
1. You fell hard for them again immediately.
From the moment you met them until now, it’s been a complete whirlwind. You honestly can’t believe how fast and deep you’ve gotten to them, especially considering the fact that you haven’t really known them for that long. Well, here you are.
2. They just are complete for you (as long as you ignore all the red flags).
For you, your partner or crush is absolutely perfect. They really can do no wrong and have never done anything wrong in their entire lives. And not only are they free from any sin, they are aligned with what you want in a person as well. For example, maybe they have a successful career and are very funny and tall. (Yes, these a lot it wants a higher level, we will deal with this later, stay with me here!)
When you put someone on a pedestal and always focus on everything you “like” about them, it’s easy to ignore all the red flags and keep those warning signs in your peripherals. Eventually, though, the pedestal will crumble. Eventually, the rose-colored haze will clear and you will be forced to face the imperfect person standing before you.
If it really is love, you will find compassion and appreciation for their faults (or, at least, see and accept cracks). But if it’s an obsession, you’ll find contempt and disappointment as you discover that being 6’3″ didn’t make up for the fact that they never seemed interested in meeting your friends or making you a priority or fully committing to you. In this case, the illusion is over. It was just an obsession.
3. They are always on your mind.
They consume your thoughts, making it difficult to focus on anything else. You dream about them on your commute to work and keep thinking about them when you get to your desk. You have trouble attending happy hour conversations with your friends because you’re too busy thinking about them.
4. There’s still a lot you don’t know about them.
Because everything you “like” about them is superficial (ie, busy and funny and distant). For example, you haven’t fought them yet, so you’re not sure how they handle and express their anger. You don’t know much about their past or their pain or anything else that made them who they are. Everything you can write about someone else is likely to be found on their LinkedIn or Instagram. In short, you don’t know them well at all. So, how would you like them?
5. You always try to impress them.
There is something about this person that makes you think they are “out of your league.” Thus, the desire to be chosen by this person. For example, you may take away their interests and lose your “lower” interests in the process. But this is not love, self-denial. It’s a guess. Infatuation.
After all, you use them as a way to show your worth. This is an incredibly dangerous line to walk. Because no one can define your worth as a person. And the second you put your power in the hands of another, you enter a very toxic place, a place where love will never have a chance to grow.
